Ten Signs That Say "It's a Go"

November 25, 2009

Here you go again. Of course you're wiser, smarter, more bruised but less likely to put up with any of the psycho madness that dramatized your last show. It's taken you a while to put the smile back on so you want to be sure you're making the right move before you give the illusion of a commitment. Can you make a commitment? Friends say your Zero Tolerance List is way too long. Carve it down if necessary, but here's a list that can stick around into the golden years.

THE TEN "GO" SIGNS

1. You feel like yourself around her – and vice versa. After the allure of hair, make-up and clothes wear off, you're staring in your own mirror. Part of what makes any relationship fun is enjoying your reflection: the real you. Choosing someone who makes you feel first-rate in your own skin makes it easy to build on that initial spark. When your partner enjoys you, you enjoy you. When she feels at ease, you feel at ease. All that comfort can give your relationship the long legs it needs for the future.

2. She makes you laugh – and vice versa. Life's challenges are heavy enough, so a little humor can go a long way. She may not be ready for the late night TV circuit or a spot on Ellen DeGeneres, but If time with her makes you breathe a little easier and smile a lot more, she's in your plus column.

3. She's not afraid of your past – You're probably not perfect and there are plenty of things she may never need to know. But some of the big-ticket issues like your ex-wife, your child, your rehab stint, your mother, your money squandering or your former life as a priest are bound to surface. If you've laid it all on the line — and preferably not on the first date — and she didn't bolt, it's time to move forward.

4. You can relate to her profession or job – Maybe you two even met on the job. Regardless of the circumstances, finding a genuine interest in how she spends a major part of her day can only foster the bond. There should be nothing forced. If your interest comes involuntarily it's a sign that you're on the same wavelength. On the other hand, enrolling in special classes to bring yourself up to speed in her hemisphere is great for growth and continued learning. Maybe she's opened up a new door for you or you've always wanted to explore some new interests. Terrific. Strengthening the cerebral connection is another key to success as long as it's real and it's not for her eyes only.

Survey

Chemistry.com conducted a national survey between March 30 and April 3, 2007 with 2,549 U.S. adults about their views on relationships and marriage. sip it

Survey

5. She respects your outlook on the future – The issues will never cease, whether they're about money, location, career, family, education or how to deal with a crisis. We all know that life is great at presenting a hundred and one challenges. And agreeing about everything is unlikely. If you're constantly in synch, then you really have a special relationship. But if you're not, building goals together and problem solving together is a lifelong process. If she allows you to finish your thoughts and your clashes tend to end on a sweet note — at least the majority of the time — that's a sure indication that she values you for your thoughts and ideas, and you'll respect and appreciate her for it.

6. You can handle her least appealing quality – And there may be more than one. Now that you're not dwelling on them, you've got the brain space to see her in full bloom. If she looks like a flower, she's a positive force in your life.

7. She's around when you're down in the dumps – We're always aging and changing and sometimes the rose petals wilt. Companionship is great for reducing stress and that's one of its major perks. So if she's rock solid and you can cash in on her strength, her laughter, her smile and her warmth when you're feeling grumpy, ugly, depressed and bitter, she's the one.

8. You don't want her to get Botox – If you're thinking she could use a little nip and tuck anywhere at all, it won't be long before you're wishing she were a clone of Angelina Jolie. But if you can accept her for who she is on every level and not wake up wishing you could change a few other attributes or swap out a few personality traits, you're seeing her for who she is and not for who you think she can grow to become under your tutelage. So if you've lost the Svengali urge and you have a firm grip on reality, then give your relationship a gold star.

9. She has her own life – If she's a whole individual, like yourself, with her own interests, friends, desires and passions, she's likely to let you live and let live. The compromises will come, but when you make sacrifices at least you'll be in possession of your own mind with your own thoughts. She will too. Instead of gaining a follower in the Cult of You, you have a fully functioning companion.

10. She fills up your cup – It's about reciprocity. If you give, she gives back. You're lucky you're on a two-way street that knows how to dance. You can feel the rhythm of true love and that's the best music of all.

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Photo credit: Luca Volpi Goldmund100

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