It may sound like a dream but you don't have to do your child's homework. That sense of dread that hangs over you each night when you have to battle it out with your tween or kindergartener can be resolved. What seems impossible — your child's independence — is entirely possible when you lay down strict guidelines. But those guidelines are not for the student in your household. They're for the teacher.

It begins in kindergarten. Your child is sent home with so many papers, instructions, worksheets, booklets and sundry notices that you can literally hear a tree fall. Your child may or may not be able to read any of it. That's where you come in: dedicated Mom or Dad who will do anything to help your growing son thrive and shine and leap to the head of the class. You know that Stanford is in your child's future and there's no time to waste. Excel, excel, excel. Working in unison with your child's teacher, you will help polish off nightly assignments and build the groundwork for straight A's, a 4.0 GPA and stellar SAT scores.

But once this dynamic begins you may soon discover that you have a problem on your hands. After a year or two of homework and handholding, you tell yourself that your child is finally ready to go solo. Instead of the smooth transition you’ve envisioned, you end up shouting, screaming, threatening, cajoling, harassing, punishing and badgering your child into doing his work. If you’ve reached this point, it’s time to pull away. Don't leap back in. Tell your child it's ok if he's struggling. It's only homework. And eventually he'll get the hang of it, but without your assistance.

Nothing can replace internal drive.

On some subliminal level your child may feel he cannot complete his work alone. This is the caveat for all parents who get enmeshed in their child’s homework. True independence comes from within and in order for it to blossom in a young student he has to want to complete his homework for his own edification and benefit. It’s not about you. Nothing can replace internal drive. External pressures, in time, can yield dicey results, particularly during the teenage years.

But how can a parent let go? What will the teachers do?

Here is a sample letter that you can address to your child's teacher, starting in kindergarten:

Sample Letter Date Dear Mr./Ms. (Your Child’s Teacher), I want to share with you our family policy about homework. I will not be involved in (your child's name) homework. It's my belief that homework is between the student and the teacher. I'm hoping that my son/daughter will learn how to work independently and will care for him/herself about his/her responsibilities. I think once a parent gets involved in a child's homework, an unhealthy struggle begins. Please feel free to grade my child accordingly. Please also know that I will monitor my child's progress. I'm taking this approach not because I don't care about his/her schoolwork but because I want him/her to be self-motivated. You may contact me at (xxx) (xxx-xxxx) if you have any questions, comments or concerns. I hope you can respect my approach and appreciate the boundaries I'm trying to set up in our household. I think this will help my relationship with my son/daughter and will give him/her the discipline he/she needs to be a great student. Let's hope this will work out for the best. Sincerely, (Your Name) Note: If your child is in kindergarten, he's likely to bring home at least one zero on his report card — in homework — unless he pleads for your assistance. Terrific. You now have a child who's asking you to help him with homework instead of the other way around. If your kindergartener is oblivious and never mentions homework, there is no need to worry. He’s in kindergarten. He can strive, excel and still make it to the head of the class. A lack of completed homework assignments should not be cause for your child to get left back. (Imagine a teacher trying to justify his value in the classroom when an "F" in homework also means the student learns nothing in class.) Kindergarten is only the beginning of a long academic career where having your child's will, interest and enthusiasm intact far outweighs having your child kick, scream and complain that he hates school. Assess your son or daughter, consider the options and weigh the pros and cons of leaving your child's homework to your child. Ask yourself if you can handle several months of lagging homework grades while your child flounders as he learns how to get into the groove. Ask yourself if you can bear to watch your child make mistakes entirely on his own while he's in fourth grade. If you have the courage to let go but you also truly believe that your hands-off homework approach would never really work for your child because he is "lazy", "unmotivated", "too playful" or "too immature", consider that you may be creating a situation where your child becomes lazy, unmotivated, resentful and rebellious. By stepping back and asserting that you believe he can get through it on his own, you reinforce that you believe he is intelligent and capable. He may thank you for your show of support. In the end, he never appreciated the fact that school created a contentious relationship between the two of you. The shouting matches were never any fun. Instead he can be proud of a strategy that helps achieve the results everybody wants: a loving household with a smart and independent kid. NewsSip Photo credit: Jeff Crites/Wikimedia Commons More Milkshake